Flyfern
by I.S.Skye
Summary: After Katniss turns her back on Gale he allows a bond with another to mend and grow stronger. I can't remember my email or password to my other account so I started this story over.
1. If You Only Knew

A year after it's over and I can still see her face just as clearly as the day she left me forever because of one stupid mistake. I don't think I would change anything that I did that day though; we are free of the old Capital. That's what we set out to do. I can't help who had to die to get this freedom.

The girl next to me shifts, her tiny hand clinging to my arm as if that is the only think holding her in this world. This movement pulls me from my thoughts. I can sense another one of her fits coming on. Her head turns back and forth, her foot traveling up her leg and then violently pushing back down again. There is a thin layer of sweat covering her body, plastering her red/brown hair to her pale face. That's when the blood-chilling scream splits through the night air.

Her eyes fly open, the slate grey clouded with fear and panic; her arms pushing me away, crying out for them not to hurt her. Her nails dig into my skin but not enough to draw blood; at least not this time. _Remain stoic_, I remind myself before engaging.

"Shh…shh…no one is here to hurt you," I whisper, wrapping both arms around her; a sad attempt at stopping her thrashing about. "I'm here. No one can hurt you while I'm here…remember?"

"Gale?" she questions but her words are still too panicked, breathing still coming out in gasps, similar to a panting dog. She's got to calm down of she'll send herself into a state of unconsciousness. Once more time and the doctors won't let her out again.

"Calm down," I whisper trying to keep my tone even, trying not to show just how worried I am for her. "Look at me. I'm not here to hurt you."

Taking this terrified creature's face in my hands I force her grey eyes to meet mine. The distress and fear vanish as she buries her head in the nape of my neck. Her tears run down my bare skin. She is shaking whither from fear or the cold I don't know. I continue to hold her close, allowing the heat from my body to transfer to hers, which feels like a block of ice against my chest.

Three years…that's how long I've known this girl. I met her about six months before Katniss volunteered to be in the Hunger Games. She was a main leader in the movement to bring down the Capital. She was and still is opinionated, defiant and one of the kindest most trusting people I know.

We spend most nights in each others arms because we know what it's like to see first hand how destructive our race can really be. Is her state worse than Katniss's? I'm not sure. All I know is that Katniss is strong. This timid girl that now lies, shaking in my arms, is the farthest thing from strong. Her once toned body has turned into nothing more than skin handing from bone, sparkling eyes full of life are now blank and sunken in. She's a broken spirit. I've made it my own personal mission to bring her back.

After about an hour those soft lips meet my cheek. There are nonsense whispers spilling from her mouth but it reassures me that she's back from whatever world she disappears into during these fits. I've got nightmares but nothing like this. She saw children burning to death while I was in the air. I don't blame her for any of this at all.

"Gale," she whispers. "Gale don't go."

"I'm here. You sleep, I'll keep you safe."

"Sleep brings it back, the images for the flesh melting off the bone, the cries of those who couldn't be helped. I don't want to see that."

I go ridged, wondering if she'll blame me for the children's deaths. Obviously I've told her about the bombs being mine but as of now she's not held me responsible. Some nights I wish she'd just get angry and yell at me but it never happens. I wonder if it'd actually make me feel better or if someone else pointing a finger at me would just make things worse.

"Gale…it's not your fault."

I brush a stray strand of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. She's pale, so thin, so weak, so vulnerable, yet she came to me. Big bad Gale who killed the little children; I don't know why she's not gotten mad at me about it yet. _She's not Katniss_ I remind myself before gently kissing her forehead.

"Don't leave me, Soldier Hawthorne," she murmurs and I can tell that she's worn herself out but not to a point it knocked her out.

"Never," I answer. "Why did you come to my room that night?"

"You were screaming. I spent too many nights alone in the hospital scared out of y mind that the things I saw when I closed my eyes would come back. I wanted someone to tell me it wasn't there. I thought you might've wanted that too."

"Real or not real?" I question recalling the game we used to play with Peeta to get him to remember the truth. I play is with the fragile girl in front of my to keep her grounded. She's good at bending the truth.

"Not completely real. I did it for selfish reasons too; I didn't want to be alone anymore."

A single tear falls from the corner of her eye and I catch it on my finger, "I'm glad you came."

"So am I," she responds, a tiny smile playing over her lips as more tears spill down her face.

I pull her close to me, allowing her to hide in my chest. We rock back and forth for the rest of the night. "I'll always be here my dear Flyfern."


	2. Falling for You

My heels click on the floor of the only remaining building in District 2. Everything else is pretty much gone although I've got to admit they've been doing a pretty good job to restore things; mainly it's just rubble though. I've got one mission and that is to deliver this…whatever it is…a black melted piece of what looks like a train part, to the man I work for…Gale.

Even his name sends shivers up and down my spine. He's tall, muscular from days of hunting, his dark hair matches his earnest eyes and that scar…a trophy of the war. I've only worked with him officially for a year but the years spent together in the forest between District 12 and 13 and trying to save Katniss's ass have made us close. I know him better than anyone who's ever been in my life. I've memorized that far way look he gets when the wheels in his brain are turning, the way he often sits alone, thinking of the girl he used to loves and his cries in the night…I know those only too well from the many dark hours we spend together.

Pushing open the door I spot Gale looking out the window at the rubble that once was District 2. "You'll make yourself more depressed by looking at that."

"Flyfern," Gale says, turning to me with a smile.

"That's my name," I respond, failing at being funny. I hold out what I know he's really excited about. "What are you using all this stuff for anyway?"

"Military equipment," responds Gale, putting this piece of train or whatever it is in a pile with the rest of it.

"Are you planning another war?" I question.

Not now. Not right after we won the last one. Can't we lay off for a bit, let people rebuild, get back on their feet? I'm used to Gale's go get 'em attitude but I didn't think he would be so eager for another war this soon.

"No, no, don't worry," Gale responds, taking my hand between his. They are rough and callused from years of using them. He can see the wild panic in my eyes. I lost my entire family in the final battle.

Suddenly the screams come back and the smell of burning flesh fills my nose. I can see them all, the children on fire. My little sister was burned alive in the second round of bombs. My father tortured for information by the Capital and my mother killed by Peacekeepers; large holes blown into her body by the guns. I witnessed it all. The memories will never leave. With out knowing it I begin to shake, great convulsions wracking through me as I begin to whimper. A scream erupts from my throat.

"Calm, calm, it's not real, it's over," Gale whispers, his strong arms encasing me, one hand stroking my hair. "You're safe here…with me."

Closing my eyes I let the familiar smells of Gale; apples, oranges and the smoke that will forever cling to all of us, fill my nostrils. I might have broken away from Gale and the others to try and save my family but I was close enough to see the destruction. Either way we often find comfort in the others touch, having experienced much of the same tragedy.

"Have they asked you to do anything else for the day?" questions Gale who has been wary of my mental state after I tried to pitch myself from the top of the building we are currently in. I think he thinks I shouldn't be left alone for long periods of time.

"Um…no, just help you with brining in supplies," I respond still clinging to him.

"Stay here today. I want to show you what I'm working on," he says leaving me so he can bring up an image on the computer.

I slowly walk over to him, resting my hand on his shoulder. Staring up at me is what looks like human sized snares. How can he even be thinking of this right now? We've just won and he's creating death traps. Have I misjudged Gale; the only person who I put all my trust in? All I can do is stare up at him, wide eyed, completely confused.

"You weren't supposed to see those," Gale says quickly, switching to some other security thing he's been working on.

"What the hell was that before, Gale? Those death contraptions I wasn't supposed to see?" I demand, temper flaring a bit. This makes me question what else he's been keeping from me.

"Flyfern, that was a thought a long time ago; I didn't know if it was over," Gale attempts to explain.

"Why didn't you just tell me? What happened to no secrets?"

"I didn't want you to worry."

"The only think I've got to worry about is the fact the one person I actually trusted isn't really as trustworthy as I thought."

I take off down the hallway, somehow managing to get my heels off as I bound down the steps, hearing Gale hurrying after me. He catches up to me on the fourth floor, his arms encasing me, keeping me from going further. My feeble attempts to bear his chest fail and eventually I just give up. What's the point? We both know I'm going to forgive him anyway. Without Gale I've got no one. Without Gale I'm not human.

"I only hid it from you because I didn't want you to panic, I swear." Gale says and I can detect no lie in his dark eyes.

Nodding I sigh, "I believe you but next time don't do that. I can take it not matter what it is." Gale nods, leading me back towards the room I had run from.

For a long time we sit on the window seal, tracing visible scars on each other's arms and other exposed bits of skin. Gale's are much more numerous than mind due to his whipping back in District 12. The one's that line my arms are caused by flying debris and the minimal amount of fire that licked at my left side. I turned out better than some. No skin grafting was required though it was offered. Now I have a large white burn running from my wrist to my shoulder.

"It's funny how scars work," Gale says absent mindedly as he runs the tip of his index finger up and down my largest scar. "Sometimes they remind us of a time we did something stupid, other times they bring back memories of other people's stupidity. Yet at the end of the day they're just white lines and the skin of that scar is more perfect than the skin around it."

"Has anyone ever told you that you don't make much sense?" I question, running my fingers along the scar on Gale's neck, causing the muscle underneath to twitch.

"A few times, maybe."

I laugh. It isn't a carefree laugh of someone who's never been hurt before but it's a laugh nonetheless and it lights up Gale's eyes. He hasn't heard me laugh in a long while. I feel guilty being able to be happy when I know my family is dead and will never be able to feel again. This quiets me, pushing me back under the rock I very seldom come out from under. Inside this pretend world I am safe, my emotions, those of happiness, locked tightly inside. Sadness and guilt run wild within me.

"What are you thinking about?" questions Gale, his lips on my ear.

"Does the guilt ever eat away at you?"

"Everyday, but you've got nothing to be guilty about."

"I sometimes get really happy and then the guilt swells up inside me, telling me I can't be happy because they'll never have that privilege again. All those people who I killed…my family. It's like a monster inside trying to claw its way out and take the very last good thing I've got from me."

"What is the last good thing?"

"You," and then I press my lips to Gale's.

His lips are rough but Gale's kiss is nothing but tender and passionate, his hand on my cheek the other intertwining in my hair. I leave my hands where they were, one on Gale's neck the other caressing his cheek. It has been a while since I have actually been able to kiss Gale. It feels just as right as the very first time he kissed me that night in the woods after Katniss left for the Capital.

"You will never lose me Flyfern. I won't let it happen," Gale whispers after we pull away. He runs his fingers through my hair, trying to comfort me.

"You'd better get something done today or they won't let me stay up here anymore," I say moving back over to the computer. I don't want him to think I'm not strong.

As I study the lines of security meant to surround the new areas of Panem and the enforcements used to make new buildings, I can tell that Gale has been working on a lot in the past year. I can't help but notice the security and weapons have more detail put into them than anything else. Gale is an artist when it comes to creating these things. I only wish I was skilled like that. I can shoot a gun and hit a target smack in the middle but trying to design something or use a weapon I am not used to is a disastrous. That's what I am…a disaster.


	3. Need You Now

I can still feel her lips on mine as I attempt to keep my mind on my work. The fact her fingers are running through my hair is not helping at all. I have no idea what Flyfern though of our kiss but I sure as hell enjoyed it. Her thoughts are always hard to read. Pulled so far from this world I never really can tell what runs through her head. This is frustrating to an extreme.

"I like your hair longer," Flyfern whispers in my ear.

For a second I have to close my eyes, breathing in the scent of her raspberry shampoo, the hint of cinnamon and wild flowers constantly lingers around her. It takes a great amount of self-control to not turn around and kiss her again. If I don't get work done they will assign her to another division. I can't imagine not being around her all day.

"What are you thinking about Soldier Hawthorne?" Her voice causes my eyes to open.

"Guess," I reply turning to face her, smirking.

"I don't know."

She looks so cute with her bottom lip stuck out; grey eyes wide, "You."

"What about me? I can't really be that interesting that you spend large amounts of time thinking about me."

She hasn't a clue what she's really like; brilliant and kind and vulnerable. I feel the need to comfort her even if she's fine. This girl drives me crazy.

"About something," I answer not getting to the point for a reason.

"Gale, please tell me," Flyfern whines, giving me her pouty face.

"This," I respond covering her lips with mine, drinking in her taste, trying to imprint this moment into my brain.

Flyfern is the one who pulls away. She smiles before resting her head on my chest. She seems content and, for the first time in a long while, somewhat happy.

"You should get work down," she mumbles before walking over to look out the window.

**Later that night **

She doesn't come next door to my room like normal but I can hear her whimpers and cries in the night and it pains me. I know Flyfern is trying to prove to me that she is strong but I know it's not true. Stopping my pacing for a second I let my fist connect with the metal wall in front of me, ignoring the pain. I know it's not that bad. I feel sick but no matter what I do I can still hear the screams. A sweet, innocent girl like Flyfern, barely 19, should not have to bear that kind of mental and emotional pain.

"Gale!" I hear her cry out and it's all I can do not to tear through the wall. She needs me…wants me there.

Hurrying out of my room I barge into hers, knowing she never locks the door. I enter to a scared girl with tears streaming down her face, knees pulled up to her chest. There is such a fear in those beautiful eyes. I should have insisted on staying but she's so headstrong.

"Gale," she whispers, arms reaching out for me, she sounds surprised that I'm here.

"I'm never leaving you again," I reply pulling her frail body close to me, her head collapsing onto my chest, arms locking around me.

"Please don't. I had the most terrible dream. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up."

"Do you want to tell me?"

Why would she? Why would anyone want to live back the memories, say them aloud? I remind myself that she made it just fine without me while I wandered around like a puppy after a girl who never loved me. _So conceited of you Gale Hawthorne, to even think that she needs you _my conscience jeers. I remind it that Flyfern was the one who called out my name in the dark.

"You. They took you away from me. I didn't know what to do. I was so lost Gale," Flyfern starts to cry again.

"They can't do that. I'm not leaving you. I'm here…you'll be alright."

Taking a shaky breath she turns to me, her lips meeting mine. She's shaking badly but this kiss is just as good as the first. Her hands find their way to my hair, holding me to her. This is the way we used to kiss in the woods. The way she used to distract me from Katniss. The way she used to silently let me know that there was someone out there ready to return to love I could give.

I cradle Flyfern as she falls in and out of sleep. Each time she finds some part of my skin to kiss before whispering nonsense then falling back into unconsciousness. I refuse to fall asleep, worrying I might miss a time she awakens. I recall something Flyfern told me a while back…_we are they only one's that actually understand…the only one's who know how to take the pain from the other. We need each other Soldier Hawthorne. _She was correct. She takes my pain away from me and I take hers but in the end we still end up in pain…just a different pain. I guess when you live through something like the war the pain really never goes away. You just learn to suppress it; find someone who takes it away.


	4. Fight or Flight

He staid the whole night keeping me safe from the creatures in the dark. When will this stop…the nightmares…the fear? I want it to end. Twisting around I press my forehead to Gale's chest, wondering if he's still asleep. I bet not. Gale never sleeps when he's with me. I keep him up.

"Morning you," whispers Gale, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger.

"It's only considered morning if you actually slept," I mumble, looking up at him.

"I slept."

"Long enough. Don't worry about me though. Are you alright?"

He's got this gentleness in everything he says that makes me feel safe around him. Gale is the best thing that could have happened to me. Without him I'd be sitting on my bed rocking back and forth and wishing for death to come. I've got something to live for in Gale. Nothing can hurt me with his strong arms wrapped around me, holding me to him.

"Why do you like me so much?" the question slips out before I am even able to prepare myself to hold it in. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"You're smart, funny, kind, caring and beautiful and I don't have to be in pain for you to kiss me," Gale responds referring to Katniss once again.

"No one should have to be in pain to get another to show affection."

"That's the way it was with Katniss. She loved Peeta so much that I had to be in physical pain for her to pay any attention to me."

Sadness seeps in. How can Gale, a boy who's been through so much be so open to love when I, who have been through nothing but the death, something everyone must face, be so closed to everything? I feel like I'm cheating him. Gale; the strong, independent, quick to anger, older soul who needs nothing but someone who will love him no matter what…I can't give that to him. I fail at this almost everyday because I am weak and scared and stupid. Of course I love him, I just don't show it the way he needs.

"I've been in love with you since the lockdown in District 13," I announce feeling the need to let him know when it first happened. "I sat up all night with you…watched you aid whoever needed it. Not once did you look afraid."

"Why didn't you tell me then?"

"It wasn't what you wanted to hear," I answer back. "You were happy with what we were."

Gale looks down at my hand for a while, "I would have said it back if you had said it that night. Just like I said it back all those other nights. Can I tell you something?"

"You can tell me anything Gale," I answer.

"I watched you all that night, even when I was away, I knew exactly where you were. You'd get up and pace and then sit down, twisting the rope around you fingers, talking to Finnick if I had been gone from you for too long. I waited for you to sleep but you never did. I guess I've stayed up with you every night since then."

"Not every night."

Gale smiles, "Almost."

"You sat with me almost all night. Always coming back when I needed you," I mumble, recalling the lock down in District 13. I took the bed right next to Finnick.

"Every time I'd come back I would sit in front of you on the floor, take your hands in mine and spit out some bullshit line about how we'd make it out okay because at the time that's what you and everyone else in that room needed to hear. I kept hoping you would fall asleep. Even if it had been next to Finnick."

I can't help but laugh. Gale never really liked Finnick. He was the first tribute I got to come to our side though. It didn't take too much convincing. The second he heard that Katniss and Peeta would have to go straight back into the arena he decided it was time to put an end to the games forever. I found a friend in the blonde haired boy. He was good at keeping secrets, good at keeping me informed. It's a shame he had to go out the way he did.

"Mrs. Everdeen wants to look at you," Gale says as he pulls his shirt from last night back on.

"Why is she here? I thought she worked in the Capital."

"No, she's helping set up hospitals in the Districts. She happens to be here for the week and would like to talk to you."

"Don't they all? I'm tired of talking to doctors; they all know I'm crazy. Why not just give up?"

"You're not crazy Horne, I know that," Gale says angrily, using the name I gave up after the war ended. He slips up sometimes when he loses his temper. I hates when I call myself crazy even though it's borderline true.

"Fine, I'm mentally unstable."

"You're just fine besides the nightmares and I think we all have those."

"You have them?

"You know that Flyfern," Gale answers pulling on his jeans.

"I thought they stopped," I answer as he sits back down on the edge of the bed.

"I don't sleep enough to have them."

Massaging his shoulders, I kneel down behind Gale, wondering what he is thinking about. A moan escapes his lips as his head falls forward a little, giving me access to his neck. Instead of moving my hands up I press my lips to his exposed skin.

"What are you thinking about," I question, lips close to his ear.

"How much I wish I didn't have to go to Beetee today."

"I wish you didn't have to. I don't want to face to doctor alone."

Gale smirks as I kiss the corner of his mouth, "Mrs. Everdeen is nice. She will remember what you did for her family during the first time Katniss was away.

"I think all she'll remember is how I stole you away from Katniss."

"Not true," Gale replies, kissing me on the forehead. "I'll meet you for lunch."

At that he leaves my room. Here I'm just supposed to wait unti someone coming for me. What am I supposed to do? Get cleaned up, attempt to make myself not look so sickly? No matter what I do it won't help. I've got bags under my eyes, I'm too skinny and the shaking of my hands never goes away. Mrs. Everdeen will take one look at me and not know what to do. None of them ever do anymore. I don't know how Gale can look at me.

_Get up_, I tell myself. _Get your ass off the bed and stop feeling bad for yourself. Do something about the terrible state you're in. _I've got to do this for Gale, for myself. We need each other and I can't go making myself worse than I already am.

"For Gale," I whisper as I step into the shower allowing the steaming water to run over my thin frame. I've got to start eating again.

Thirty minutes later I smell like myself again, not a corpse. I apply minimal make up and force myself to go the door, I'm tired of waiting around for someone to come get me. Days like these hurt; days when I have to force things. Most of all I want these to go away.

I manage to get down the hallway and a few flights of stairs when I run into them. The reporters who still wish they had their jobs. They've been after Gale and me for about a month now. Apparently the love life of two final war survivors is hot stuff. I guess back in the old Capital it probably would have been. I don't think it's interesting at all. I wish they would leave us alone. My old hunting boots itch to run, to take off and never look back. I take off down the steps, jumping over the railing of the last flight and land on the balls of my feet. The months of training I received back in District 13 definitely paid off. I'm sure the doctors would say this kind of activity on my frail body was not recommended but I don't care. The run, fight or die insticts will never go away.


End file.
